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Topic: Typos
Thantastic
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Typos
on: January 22, 2014, 10:31

Post entries of misspelling, missing or bad punctuation, and basic typographical errors in this thread.


Game Developer/writer with Reliquary Game Studios

Kyle Friesen
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Re: Typos
on: January 22, 2014, 21:24

Pg. 3

2 Choose a Nature, 2nd line under the heading

"Choose one Bloodline" should be "Choose one Nature"


Pg. 4

Bloodline Table, Beastfolk line, 4th and 5th columns

"Lighty Augmented" should be "Lightly Augmented" in both columns


Kyle Friesen
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Re: Typos
on: January 22, 2014, 22:03

Pg. 7

(H2) Beastial Augmentations heading itself

"Beastial" should be "Bestial"


Pg. 7

In the Aquatic Adaptation paragraph, last line

"Nictating" should be "Nictitating"


Pg. 8

Enhanced Smell paragraph, 10th line

"Predator's Mawaugmentation" could use a space


Pg. 11

Fey Lineages section, 2nd paragraph

"sidhe" should be capitalized (and the paragraph should be indented)


Pg. 11-12

5th paragraph on pg. 11 and almost every paragraph on pg. 12

Be consistent with hyphenation. "Strong- or weak-blooded" I believe is the correct way – but there are different opinions out there. Here's a good article on hyphenation


Pg. 12

Last bullet point, 5th line

"p. XXX" I think could say "p.92" –> is that the page you were referring to?


Kyle Friesen
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Re: Typos
on: January 22, 2014, 22:04

Sorry, my url code must not have worked? Hyphenation article: http://www.getitwriteonline.com/archive/042703compwdshyph.htm


Kyle Friesen
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Re: Typos
on: January 22, 2014, 23:18

Pg. 13

Penultimate paragraph, 6th line

"reclaimation" should be "reclamation"


Pg.13-14

Emim, Moabim, Sepherim, Zamzummim, and Zophim sections

Should probably indent these paragraphs.


Pg. 15

Zophim paragraph, 1st line

"grigori" should be capitalized


Pg. 15

Abilities and Bonuses section, 1st bullet point

The Grammar police say that the second sentence is a run-on sentence. But if you keep it this way, there shouldn't be any commas used after "heritage" or "hopefully".


Pg. 15

Abilities and Bonuses section, 4th bullet point

Remove the period after "horrible things".


Pg. 15

Abilities and Bonuses section, last bullet point, 2nd line

Capitalize "grigori" again


Pg. 16

Curse – Bane bullet point, 3rd line

Picky again: "(See Sidebar)" should not be capitalized


Pg. 16

Curse – Bane bullet point, 4th line

"naphil" is plural here and should be "nephilim", if I understand it correctly.


Pg. 16

Curse – Bane bullet point, last two lines

To keep a consistent present tense, the last sentence should read, "…the naphil does not know exactly where her bane is or what form it is in."


Pg. 16

Curse – Fluid Mien bullet point, 6th line

"Nephilim" shouldn't be capitalized – at least it hasn't been treated as a proper noun so far, I think. Oh, and it is singular, so it should be "naphil"


Pg. 16

Curse – Fluid Mien, 1st sub-bullet point, 2nd line

"eyes that are a too pale" should read "eyes that are too pale". Maybe toss in an "or" before the last example as well.


Pg. 16

Curse – Fluid Mien, 2nd sub-bullet point, 2nd line

"naphil" should be "nephilim"


Pg. 16

Curse – Fluid Mien, 2nd sub-bullet point, 2nd line

Need consistent tense. Perhaps change it to "…skin will appear to be…"


Pg. 16

Curse – Fluid Mien, 2nd sub-bullet point, 6th line

Tense again: change to "Bodily proportions will subtly change: the naphil becomes…", and again in the next two sentences: "…will become exaggerated…", "…voice will become…"


Pg. 16

Curse – Fluid Mien, 2nd sub-bullet point, 8th line

Remove "of" (second word)


Pg. 16

Curse – Fluid Mien, 3rd sub-bullet point, 1st line

I'd recommend removing both instances of "as" from the sentence. Or just re-word to become less awkward. Oh, and the last line of the page probably should read "…nephilim will visibly glow…"


Pg. 17

1st line

"…will present an…"


Pg. 18

Lines 3 and 4

Awkward sentence. Perhaps change it to "Concealing them will be extraordinarily difficult because the eyes are sensitive and their lack of perception will be distracting." It's the best I can do right now!


Pg. 18

Lines 6-8

Again a bit awkward – maybe "It is almost certain that fully manifested nephilim…" "…but they will also likely attract the attention…"


That's all for tonight! I do enjoy editing, I hope it's okay that I'm going a bit beyond mere typos here.


Thantastic
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Re: Typos
on: January 23, 2014, 06:29

Quote from Kyle Friesen on January 22, 2014, 23:18


That's all for tonight! I do enjoy editing, I hope it's okay that I'm going a bit beyond mere typos here.


Absolutely. We're happy for any assistance, and it will just make it that much quicker to get through the first round editing in a couple months.


Game Developer/writer with Reliquary Game Studios

Kyle Friesen
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Re: Typos
on: January 23, 2014, 22:38

Pg. 17

Rank 1 Examples section, line 3

To be consistent, capitalize "circumstance"


Pg. 18

Rank 3 bullet point, 1st sub-bullet point

remove "a"


Pg. 18

Rank 3 Examples, 2nd line

Capitalize "himalayan"


Pg. 18

Rank 3 Examples, 5th line

Change "occurrence" to "Circumstance"


Pg. 19

1st paragraph, 3rd line

capitalize "aptitudes"


Pg. 19

1st paragraph, line 6

Remove "her player", or re-write the sentence to tighten it up


Pg. 19

Nature Chart, 3rd column, 5th & 8th & 10th rows

Uncapitalize the I in "WIll" These typos are also in the following pages in the corresponding Nature sections (in the mini-charts)


Pg. 20

Analyst paragraph, 4th line

Perhaps remove "learn", or alter the sentence to make it more understandable in another way


Pg. 21

Gallant paragraph, line 1

It looks like an extra space before "etiquette"?


Pg, 21

Innocent paragraph, line 3

Naivete is either "naïveté" or "naiveté" or even "naivety". I prefer the first, the second is more common.


Pg. 23

Survivor Examples

"Curusoe" change to "Crusoe"


Kyle Friesen
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Re: Typos
on: January 23, 2014, 23:31

Pg. 25

2nd paragraph, throughout

Consistency with italics – either italicize all or no backgrounds (or assets)


Pg. 29

1st paragraph, 2nd line

Should read "…with the most wealth…"


Pg. 29

Police paragraph, 9th line

"profession" should be plural


Kyle Friesen
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Re: Typos
on: January 25, 2014, 08:04

Pg. 32

Vagabond paragraph, 3rd line

Should read "…you have a rough freedom" or "you had a rough freedom"


Pg. 32

Class chart, 4th line, 3rd column

Not a typo exactly, but should "genteel" maybe instead be "refined", "sophisticated", or "respectable"? Genteel has overtones of being "well-bred" to me.


Pg. 34

"Will" paragraph, lines 3&4

hyphenate: "strong-willed" and "weak-willed"


Pg. 38

Sidebar: Libraries & Research, 1st paragraph, 10th line

remove the "of" before "(DoS 4-7)"


Kyle Friesen
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Re: Typos
on: January 26, 2014, 22:42

Pg. 40

Athletics section, 1st paragraph, last line

Either remove "The" or complete the sentence :)


Pg. 41

Bureaucracy, 1st paragraph, line 3

I believe "were" should be "was" – since system is singular; though it may be acceptable in UK English?


Pg. 42

Burglary section, 1st paragraph, 4th line

remove hyphen: should read, "…breaking into buildings"


Pg. 42

Burglary section, 1st paragraph, 5th line

It might be more consistent to change "reconnoitering" to "reconnaissance"


Pg. 45

Engineering, 2nd paragraph, 5th line

This sentence could be cleaned up/simplified (split into two); I believe that it should at least read "…piloting new vehicles…" (remove "or")


Pg. 45

Engineering Mastery: Automata Design, last line

Complete the last sentence.


Pg. 46

2nd paragraph

Indent the new paragraph


Pg. 48

Fisticuffs, 1st paragraph, 7th line

I believe this is the first time that 1st-person perspective has been used (ie. "I would say…"). If it's intentional, that's fine, but it does change the style, and isn't really necessary.


Pg. 48

Fisticuffs, 2nd paragraph, 2nd line

I think the colon should be a semicolon.


Pg. 48

Fisticuffs, 2nd paragraph, 3rd line

Change "in even" to "even in"


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